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June Update... Changes and positive vibes

Cle anse the mind and cleanse the soul So after a slightly difficult May time I made some changes in my life, getting rid of badness and making decisions that were good for my mental health. My mother became poorly and I took on looking after her, something that nearly lost me my job, but after a lot of meetings it was decided I was to be given another go at things, my health and mums is important and my line managers considered that. Thankfully mums health is improving everyday and seems more like herself. After a unprovoked spat with the guy that I was doing High Shine City I made a decision to cut back on that, ultimately he blocked me on social media and made excuses, let me be honest it wasn't going well and I don't think he was doing his part of the deal. Therefore I have all but walked from it. I can focus now on my friends and ultimately my family too. Importantly with things easing I can do more than maybe 16 months ago... Which helps. I've now had my second dose o

May Update... Been a while but here we are

Updating with recent events.. So what's happened since my last entry on here, been busy with lots of things...  Let's begin back in April when I received my first dose of the Astra Zeneca vaccine, which I received at my local pharmacy, the only downside was a fever next morning, just waiting for the second in July time hopefully, my mum has had both of her doses now so that's a good thing. The realisation that this will help with normality is a good thing. Things at work are still topsy turvy, good days and bad days, that old friend anxiety keeps coming in to play, but I'm giving my best. Finally after what seems like an age I've been able to do my aircraft photography hobby, at least once a week I've been going to an airport for a few hours to see what's happening and capturing some of the movements. On the horizon I have got plans for some away days, including the long awaited return to Glasgow, got some big plans for my time away, which I'm keeping un

A Big Step but a Weight off my Shoulders

The importance of being honest and knowing that support is there. So it was my return to work and I had a meeting to discuss my absence, procedure requires this but I had something I wanted to end the meeting on that was more positive. The outcome was decided, I had my job still and that was good. I had my chance to be more open now. Now as part of my confidence boosting I had contributed to a number of books that I had been asked to join by a couple of twitter followers. I had a hard copy of one of them, and with my kindle I had the others.  In the days leading up to my meeting I had spoken to my line manager and said about the books and she wanted to see them. This was my chance to reveal my alter ego unbeknown to her. So sat in the room with my 2 line managers I took a deep breath and said 'I have an alter ego, and she is helping me overcome some of my anxiety', the reaction was lovely, a kind of 'Ok, that's really something, and wow you look amazing'. We spoke a

London Calling and Seizing The Moment

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Ou t and about in my home city again is a great opportunity So after all the trials and tribulations I decided I needed a few days away, I did these as a fact finder for the business I was part of and also for my own good, it worked out really good for me as I got dressed up and felt really good, it was bravery and normality together. I stayed in the previous location again and made some plans as to what I wanted to do this time. One thing I really wanted to do was walk along the Thames and get some pics as I went, these are at the bottom of this entry. I set out Friday afternoon and made my way to the westend and started to location hunt for a photoshoot, came back with a few ideas and other possibilities. Saturday morning I did the big one and made my way towards Westminster and began my walk towards Tower Bridge, again this was fact finding and landmarks, I found it very easy going, and no problems when I was walking along, I had compliments about my outfit from passers-by too. Cros

Self Care and Mental Health

Asking yourself if you are OK is important, your mental health is a must... So I touched on this in the last post, but I will be open right now. Since 2010 I have suffered from mild depression and anxiety, 2 things that I have battled with constantly, without my family and friends support I would of given up, the important thing is to ask yourself 'Am I OK', I have reached out to people at times when I have needed it, reassurance and confidence is a must too. If you see or hear someone close to you is struggling, try to be there for them, listen to them, help them, look out for them. It will make a difference to them and will mean a huge amount. Continuing with where I left off, I didn't feel that great when I got home, and my mother wasn't feeling to good either. One morning I woke up with no taste sensation and I went on the NHS app to put my symptoms in... You guessed it 10 days isolated and get a test asap, I got one booked that morning and headed to location. Did t

New Year Dawns and a New Opportunity on the horizon

My abilities to be creative were to be showcased.. So a conversation with a Instagram follower led to me being asked to be involved in his business venture, I was tasked with running the twitter account and liasing with potential collaborators and clients. It was a fashion company, making custom outfits and standard lines. I would a model aswell as liasion. To seal the deal so to speak I headed to Southampton for the day to meet up with the guy and talk terms. I was up for the challenge and wanted to make the most of this opportunity. It was decided I would be a part owner of the business and the contract was signed. We made a few tentitive plans as to what we could do. It all was very positive. Potential was there aswell. Come New Years Eve I was to do a live on Instagram with my new business partner to unveil me as part of the team, this was gonna be the first time they had heard me having only seen pics before. I booked a room in London for the night and that was where I was going t

Heartbreak but Loyalty will show its true colours

Yo u stick by your friends through the good and bad... Don't let outside influences get to you... So the dust was still settling after my 40th birthday celebrations and things were going great... but then something changed. One of my long-term friends that had supported me through my split and was a huge supporter of me cut me off and made excuses. She had told me her partner was not very understanding about LGBTQ and told her not to make contact with me or anyone like that. I was distraught and felt dumped. I turned to the one person that I knew would be nonjudgmental to me. I messaged my friend of over 12 years and said I had something to tell her, we were always upfront with each other and had been there through thick and thin. I called her and told her about what had happened and then told her about Tammy, no hesitation she said that was a beautiful thing and I'm sticking by you no matter what happens. We must of been on the phone 2 hours or so, but it was meant to be. We a